Working Mom

After about seven years of being home with little children full time, I have started working again. It is a great job with wonderful hours and plenty of time to do most preschool and elementary school drop offs and pick ups. I even have some time Friday afternoon to take the little two swimming, but I am away teaching one night a week and on my computer after bedtime and before breakfast every day. It works out to just about exactly 40 hours a week. My sweet husband has made the transition so much easier than it would have been otherwise. I have barely been able to do a thing around the house, but he has been taking care of the kitchen and laundry so efficiently that the kids have not missed a meal or a favorite pair of pirate underwear. The kids have been wonderful too. I was not worried about Dominick because he is very ready for the full days of first grade and my work hours are when he would have been in school no matter what I was doing. I was often gone one night a week in the past anyway, to exercise or some kind of meeting, so that is not a big difference either. Amata was going to go to morning preschool before the job came along, and I think if I had the money I would have put her in a full day. She gets quite bored at home. She is so ready to do the Montessori works and learn. However, a big wrench was put in her plans for Fall when she learned that her little brother would be going to her school as well. She was mad. "If Felix is going to my school, then I am not!" I bribed her. A skill I am using more than ever now that I work. I wanted Felix to go to school with Amata because I was so worried that at only 3 he was too young to be away from me all day. He cried the first full day at nap time, but that might have been more about the concept of sleeping (his least favorite activity) than about missing me. Each day for these first two weeks, Amata and Felix have held hands and walked into their classroom without looking back. Thank God for that because I do not know what I would do if they wailed like other kids I see at drop off. It would be like my endlessly pathetic and unsuccessful attempts to get my little babies to sleep in the unused crib. It would not end with me on time to work and happy, that is for certain. The best part came this evening. When we were walking into the bowling alley Amata said, "Mom, you know how I did not want Felix to go to my school?" I bent down to look at her face and nodded, unsure I was ready to hear the rest. "Well, now when he is in the other room for nap I feel sad and a little scared. I miss him." I teared up. Then I had a blast bowling, partly because my kids are getting bigger and being in public is not as hard as it used to be. Also, partly because I am not burned out from a week of catering to endless demands and self loathing for not having the house clean, for screaming and for turning on the TV because I have no idea how to make the little fights over everything stop. I am thankful for those stressful and wonderful times I had in those seven years at home. It was hard. I wanted to go back to work a few times a day. I missed everything about work, even the parts I never thought I would miss. Every day I was brought to my knees in prayer. I was tired, frazzled, bored while somehow also overwhelmed. I felt like the demands never ended and I did not adequately fulfill any of them. My husband often came home to either a grouch ready to scream or someone so overworked she could barely move from the fetal position on the kitchen floor. I am glad I did it though, because there were mountaintop moments that I will not forget. I am sure working parents have these moments too, but they were the only paycheck I got for a very long time. I am hoping that in having this job and this time to be in a world apart from caring for my family's needs, I will be more appreciative of the moments I have with my precious kids. This week I have truly enjoyed playing catch, kissing boo-boos, swimming at the Y and giving back rub gardens at bedtime. They are no longer parts of my day, they are now the magical parts.